


Quiet Words

by tyrantsandcreampuffs



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: F/M, Force Bond (Star Wars)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-24
Updated: 2016-12-24
Packaged: 2018-09-11 14:28:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,990
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8987491
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tyrantsandcreampuffs/pseuds/tyrantsandcreampuffs
Summary: She wants to take his heart in her hand and dare it to beat when its fickleness is the reason Han’s never will again. (She doesn’t know yet that this fury doesn’t wholly belong to her.)





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ReyandKnight](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ReyandKnight/gifts).



> Hello! I decided to participate in this challenge because I also want to give back to other writers in our lovely ship for keeping us all alive with their creations. More fics to go around makes more shippers happy. :p
> 
> I got assigned to RacheyMayBe whose request is as follows: "I didn't really have anything specific in mind, but I love the Force Bond, hurt/comfort is my jam, and maybe Kylo Ren wallowing in grief over killing Han Solo and Rey realizing he's not a complete monster." I tried to put those elements in, so I hope this story is to your liking. :)
> 
> Title is taken from Anberlin’s song [The Unwinding Cable Car](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Ei1-vWL-t0). Give it a listen if you have the time, I swear it’s a very Reylo song. The lines inspiring this story are: _This is the correlation between salvation and love / Don't drop your arms / I'll guard your heart / With quiet words I'll lead you in and out of the dark_. 
> 
> The timeline of this story is set at the last minutes of TFA and fills the gap between Episode 7 and 8 -- that is, if what we know is right and the next movie picks off directly after the last sequence with Rey and Luke on Ahch-To.

.

 

She is angry. The lull of the night cycle allows her some time to reflect on everything that’s happened to her, that’s changed in her life ever since a certain orange droid rolled into her life, and what she gets out of her thinking is anger. While there had been so many moments of terror in her adventure away from her old life in Jakku, none of those had affected her as much as the seconds she had to watch Han Solo die. She had seen only red then – and now she _feels_ it.

 

It isn’t fair, Rey thinks, because Leia Organa is somewhere on the base of D’Qar, still working with the Resistance and standing strong despite the tragedy being personal. That woman had loved Han, had known him for a far longer time and at such depth that Rey can't even possibly begin to fathom. Leia is the one who has every right to be seething, who should be wanting to take something in her hands and destroy it just to let the anger out. Rey, meanwhile, is stewing in her own frustration.

 

Rey thinks of Kylo Ren – ignores the moment of vulnerability he had shown her when he had taken off his mask and let her into his mind – and wants to force her hand right into his chest and take out his filthy, treacherous heart, daring it to beat as she crushes it in her palm. He had called Finn a traitor in their fight in the snow when he had been the true betrayer. She imagines his blood trickling down between her fingers, a darker and deeper red than the light of the weapon he used to murder his own father. He deserves it, being the monster that he is.

 

Leia had advised her to take it easy for the next few days, to _rest, dear._ After all that’s happened, she ought to. Sleep, however, is being awfully elusive to her when her blood is still boiling, is _singing_ for more to be spilled – for Kylo Ren’s, specifically.

 

Her intentions are treading dangerous grounds. She knows this. It is the darkness within her that’s making her think this way, the same darkness she’s never given into before, so she has to wonder what’s changed. What’s different now? She has always known the universe could be cruel, that there are others who will be unkind or maybe even downright evil. What is it about Han Solo’s death that is affecting her this badly?

 

Back on Starkiller Base, she had heard a voice while battling Kylo Ren on her own, right when she had gained the upper hand. She had been standing over him when it told her to _kill him_. She hadn’t listened to it then because she had known what taking a life would mean for her. The light had been with her, guiding her up to the moment of decision. Why is she regretting it now? Why does she want to get rid of Kylo Ren days after their encounter, after her opportunity to have done so?

 

She had never possessed much, but his death – oh, how she would make it hers.

 

(Later, she will learn that these feelings and wants are not hers at all.)

 

.

 

Another adventure. She grins, already excited, despite her nervousness. There is much at stake when it involves the hope of the galaxy, Luke Skywalker. She would never have expected to be given the task of retrieving such a person of importance, but here she is now in the pilot seat of the Millennium Falcon, watching starlines race past her field of view in the cockpit. It’s the most beautiful thing, something she’ll never get tired of, flying in hyperspace.

 

When all is settled down and they’re cruising at a comfortable pace, Chewbacca asks her to check something at the back, so she goes. She stands, grabs the back of her seat to support herself upright and – _stumbles_. When she looks behind her, behind the transparisteel viewport is _snow_. Falling slowly, landing on larger piles to cover the entirety of the ground.  Beyond are trees, tall and thick, more snow layered atop their leaves. It isn’t the right thing to be seeing in space, and she’s almost sure she’s hallucinating again, as she had back at Maz’s castle in Takodana.

 

The rumble of the ship beneath her feet comes to a halt, making it almost believable that she is unmoving on some world and not traveling thousands of miles on a ship. She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath. It isn’t real – she can get through it if she just lets it pass. This is the Force, showing her what had been and what could possibly be. There is no point in resisting as it will find a way to make sure what it wills happens and if it wants her to see this, then _fine_.

 

For a few seconds, there is only silence. And then – then she hears the modulated sound of breathing, the huffs that are changed as they pass through circuitry. She knows the sound well enough, having been at a close proximity to him when he had interrogated her. Should she open her eyes now? Will he disappear sooner if she does, like he had in the other dream?

 

She does, and the soft light from the winter world comes to view once more. She tilts her head to her side and finds him there, standing crouched, taking up so much space that isn’t there. _He isn’t really there_ , Rey tells herself once more, fighting the urge to take up the lightsaber and carve his heart right out of its cavity. _Kylo Ren is worlds away, somewhere else, anywhere else, just not here._

He looks around the small area, but not in the way that is exploring. It hits her then that he has no need to as he already knows the Millennium Falcon. It had been his father’s ship, after all, and she supposes Han must have brought his own kid – _Ben Organa-Solo_ – off-world whenever he could.

 

Rey has seen Kylo Ren’s face beneath the mask. It gives her some basis to imagine a much younger him: a boy reaching just past her knees in height, dark hair unruly from running about the ship, his small hands splayed on the transparisteel as he stares out of it with the wonder of a child seeing the expanse of space for the very first time.

 

She isn’t sure how this works entirely, but she’s seeing a vision within a vision, another life stitched into the seams of this dream. Han is there in the seat she had just vacated and isn’t looking at the controls but at the small Ben instead. She sees the love in his eyes, a look that she hadn’t known at all growing up. _Buckle in, kid,_ he calls out, _your mother will kill me if you don’t._ But Ben isn’t listening, he’s still looking at the stars and distant planets with awe. He is so, so young – and innocent, still.

 

(She is just as innocent when she is abandoned on a desert planet with nothing but her name – _Rey_ – and the clothes off her back. She is all too young, but she knows that this could only mean she is unloved and unwanted. All she can do is cry and watch haplessly into the bright blue sky, eyes trailing the ship that leaves her behind, burning through the atmosphere as it does.)

 

 _Han Solo_. She is back in the present – or as present as the dream is, she doesn’t know for sure. Ben is grown again. He is _Kylo Ren_ now and he’s saying his father’s name like he has the right, and it _enrages_ her. She wants to scream, to take off his mask and rake her nails down the sides of his face until she draws scars, adds to the marks that are already there. She wants blood, his; her own keeps singing for it. She wants to take his heart in her hand and dare it to beat when its fickleness is the reason Han’s never will again.

 

(She doesn’t know yet that this fury doesn’t wholly belong to her.)

 

(Soon she will learn that it isn’t the blood running through her veins calling for him – it’s a _bond_.)

 

When Rey comes to, when the vision finally ends, she is jolted forward and plants her face on the floor. Chewbacca is apologizing for fumbling with the controls and asking if she isn’t hurt; while Artoo is just staring at her, no beep of concern at all coming out of the astromech droid. She forgets not all droids are as fussy as Beebee-Ate. Getting back up on her feet and dusting herself, Rey tells both of them she’s okay.

 

(Being _okay_ is all she has ever known. It’s what lets her survive each day.)

 

.

 

The last time she had been in the Millennium Falcon, Rey had done a sort of vigil at Finn’s side. She had been afraid to lose the friend she had just made, the first man to come back for her. They were shallow words, once: _I’ll come back for you, sweetheart._ She had thought no one would ever come through in that way, but Finn had. How could she give up on him when he hadn’t given up on her?

 

(This is the vague thought at the back of her mind as they rush to D’Qar to bring Finn in for treatment: _could I love you?)_

 

She had never adhered to any faith before, but as she sat by the mat where Finn had lay prone, she kept praying, mumbling phrases strung out in desperation. _R’iia, please_. The deity was unkind and unmerciful – she knows this all too well, having barely lived through sandstorms brought about by her breath. But R’iia is the only one Rey knows, so she tries anyway. _Please help Finn, keep him alive, don’t take him away from me; I don’t have much else left to lose, never had—_

Finn is in D’Qar, still unconscious. He will be better, though; she has faith in the good doctor who told her as much before she had left. Also, Poe Dameron the pilot is watching over him, so at least he’d have a friend on the base when he eventually comes to. The Resistance would contact the Millennium Falcon after Finn has recuperated to let them know how he is, but for now, Rey is content with just knowing seeing him again is a concrete possibility.

 

(This is the vague idea she entertains when she imagines what the future holds for both Finn and Rey when they are united: _maybe someday_ _I could even give you my heart_.)

 

(Much, much later – far beyond the days she’s able to anticipate – Rey will learn that her own heart isn’t even hers to give, that the person who will have a hold on it is not the one she thought it would be.)

 

.

 

They are due to make planetfall soon, but Chewbacca insists that Rey gets as much rest as she can before she’s needed back in the pilot seat. She isn’t one to start arguing with a Wookiee, so she uses the time to talk to herself instead, to ready herself for this new chapter of her life she’s about to enter.

 

It’s strange how this is the path a life of isolation in the desert has led her to. Previously she had only imagined it going two ways: either she grows old in Jakku, forever scavenging in Niima and being dependent on the worth of her hauls; or her family comes back for her and takes her far, far away – never to look back. It isn’t her family that’s brought her off-world, but those with whom she had spent a considerable amount of time with post-Jakku certainly are now. She thinks of Finn, of Beebee-Ate; even of Chewbacca and Artoo. She appreciates and cares for them all in a way that goes beyond her gratitude.

 

(There is another life she could have had, if only Han had lived: a crewmember of the Millennium Falcon going on misadventures that could be the stuff of legends; traveling to distant worlds to enter a different trade – _smuggling_.)

 

( _He would have disappointed you_ , Kylo Ren told her back on Starkiller Base, bitterness creeping behind the second mask of his tone.)

 

She thinks of them with as much fondness her heart will allow. It is a good thing, she reminds herself, to be able to let people in and allow them to carry her trust. Against all odds, they had risked coming back for her—

 

_They will leave eventually, they will, they always do. Trust nobody and you won’t get hurt. You have the Force with you, a power greater than anyone could ever aspire to have. You are stronger than all of them. You think you are accepted, you think you are loved, but look – look at the fear in their eyes…_

These thoughts aren’t hers.

 

 _You!_ She cries, not knowing what to do or what is happening. This isn’t like the dreams she had with him in them. He hadn’t been there in those visions, not really; but this time she _feels_ him inside her head the way he had been before. He is settling in her thoughts, casually throwing open doors of certain memories and mocking, pushing at her insecurities with whispers. All at once, it is too much for her to bear. _Get out, get out, get out!_

And he does. It is quiet once more, save for the steady low rumble of the ship. Rey is too shaken by what’s just occurred to move. Had those been aftershocks of some sort, an echo of before? What is the Force demanding of her this time? Her skin feels wrong, like it isn’t hers; like it’s been peeled off and pasted back on in the wrong way. Beneath the flesh, she is sick, too, with her stomach doing uncontrollable flops. Any moment now, she is sure to heave—

 

It is a feeble attempt to calm herself, but she tries anyway: _Kylo Ren is worlds away, somewhere else, anywhere else, just not here_.

 

(He is, but he isn’t.)

 

.

 

Luke Skywalker knows why she’s there. _The Force showed me you._ With a weary smile he adds, _there is only so much you can run away from_ , then he motions for her to follow him.

 

(This is the first lesson she learns from him: surrender.)

 

He tours her around, relates bits and pieces of Jedi history to whatever is present on the island. She doesn’t question anything because this – this is _destiny_ , isn’t it? Here is the boy turned hero turned myth, now an old graying man with an entire legacy left for no one after his nephew’s betrayal; and here is Rey, the only one who has come to call him back into the fray, the _nobody_ taking whatever mantle he is willing to give. Already she is learning so much, and she is thinking to herself that in Luke’s hands she might be able to do something with her apparent abilities.

 

( _You need a teacher!_ Kylo Ren had been insistent, almost foolish in his desperation to make her join him when the moment had called for bloodletting between them and not – not whatever he wanted to achieve from his begging.)   

 

The days that follow are exhausting. Her muscles strain from trying to keep up with Luke, who is surprisingly lithe and agile in his movements despite his age. Meditation comes easily to her, though; it is the same as trying to find sleep as a sandstorm rages outside. She’s had years to practice finding peace in herself when there is only chaos beyond the durasteel walls of her improvised home.

 

(Islands – she had dreamt of an island, a world filled with more water than land back then. Perhaps that had been the Force showing her the inevitable.)

 

_What is the Force telling you, Rey? What do you see?_

 

.

 

She sees Kylo Ren’s unmasked face for the first time since their clash, and she is glad for the scar over his face she has left on him. _Good,_ she remarks internally, _you deserved it._ The light doesn’t cast shadows on his face, harsh in a way only artificial light can be. He’s alone in a room on a ship, staring out at the viewport his quarters provide.

 

(He no longer looks through the void with mysticism. Still, Rey is reminded that he had been a child once, excited to see worlds beyond his own.)

 

It’s a relatively peaceful vision, she’ll give the Force that. This time she hadn’t felt as though she had been thrown out of her body, jolted into space and time that is neither here nor there. She’s just watching him watch the stars pass by, and for the first time, she isn’t scared of being in his presence – in a dream or outside one.

 

( _Don’t be afraid_ , he had said this while she was hurting in his hands, struggling to maintain any resistant muscle as he shifted through her thoughts. _I feel it—_ )

 

 _Finally_ , he says in that low timber of his, turning around to look right at her, _you’ve come to me._

 

She is no good at hiding her expressions, so the surprise is more than evident on her face. Stumbling backward, she doesn’t phase through another body. There is no one else in the room but the two of them; no one else for him to be talking to but _her_. He doesn’t move forward, which is a relief. It provides her a false sense of security, but she’ll take a slight comfort in it regardless. Rey has no control. She doesn’t know how to get out of this situation, or if the Force will even allow her to leave.

 

 _How_ , she stutters, _how is this happening?_

 

The answer is and always will be _the Force_ , but she wants something more concrete, something more tangible, something she can grip in her hands to shake away this dream. Again, she tries to make sense of it, but her mind can’t conjure up an explanation – it _can’t_ , not when it’s just as busy trying to fight him off once more.

 

 _Stop it._ He’s in her head again, trying to search for something. It’s painful – she doesn’t know how he’s doing it when she isn’t really there and oh, how it hurts. This time he isn’t holding back. It’s only a matter of pride that she isn’t begging or crying, but she is at the edge, so close to breaking down from his attack. _Stop it, get out, stop—_

And he does. Again, he leaves her mind, but she can feel the cracks where he’s been and – it’s _filthy_ , that’s what she feels. She can look into him if she really wants to, but she doesn’t want to know what’s on his mind. There is nothing in him that she wants to see for herself.

 

( _You’re a monster_ , she had cried out to him in the snow as he bled out and somehow drew power from his own pain. That is what he is to her, inside and out.)

 

Kylo Ren is looking at her with dissatisfaction. A shallow brush of his thoughts tells her that he is disappointed in her and that it stems from her not shutting him out forcefully as she had back on Starkiller Base.  Rey doesn’t have to explain to him why she hadn’t, she doesn’t need to meet any of his expectations; she doesn’t owe him anything—

 

 _I know it hurt you,_ he says, that infuriating look of pity on his face, _I told you, didn't I? I can feel it, too._

She closes her eyes – half in shame, half in anger. She doesn’t want _this._  She doesn’t want anything to do with him. Maybe it will work in reverse this time. Maybe if she keeps her eyes shut, it will all end faster.

 

(But this is as the Force wills, isn’t it? So is he, to her, inevitable?)

 

_Where are you?_

_The question is, Rey, where are_ you _?_

 

.

 

He knows.

 

Kylo Ren knows, and Rey is the biggest idiot in the galaxy for letting him take the knowledge of where she is right out of her mind. She has endangered not only herself but Luke as well – and in turn, the Resistance.

 

 _I’m sorry_ , she cries before Luke on her knees, full of disgrace, _I didn’t know—_

_We must set to work on your defenses,_ Luke just says in that kind and understanding voice of his that only makes Rey want to feel more undignified.

 

 _I saw him and he saw me,_ she tries to explain, her words coming out in panic, _but how? How was that happening?_

There is no time to explain, only to prepare. Luke doesn’t explain the mechanics of it fully to her, but he gives her enough to get by without thinking she’s gone mad. _This bond,_ he says, _is just the Force flowing strongly between the two of you. It allows for you to share thoughts, feelings, even power while worlds apart. I sense your fear, but he does not have to draw anything out from you, Rey. I will teach you how to suppress him._

_Please_ , she asks of her new master, and he smiles encouragingly because that's just who he is, the embodiment of hope itself.

(Soon, she will learn that this bond actually means their hearts are bleeding into each other through the stars. It will hurt her when he hurts himself – and oh, how often he embraces the pain, how often does he crave it.)

 

.

 

Rey realizes, a bit belatedly, that what she had felt back in D’Qar on the night she had seen only red was actually him. It hadn’t been her own darkness, but his. That could only be it, as Luke assures her she is firm in the light.

 

She reaches out for him through the void, unafraid now that Luke has taught her how to shut him out when she needs to. She isn’t even sure if she will be able to find him, but weaving her way through the tendrils of the Force between them isn’t difficult at all when he’s opened himself up, makes his presence in the galaxy known through the Force.

 

 _It was you_ , she starts abruptly, no need for easing into conversation with him. _It was you on the night I was grieving for Han Solo. I didn’t want to kill you – you did._

There is silence on his end, and for a few minutes Rey starts to think that he has untethered himself from her again; but he hasn’t. Not yet. He eventually responds: _yes_.

 

 _Why?_ This curiosity is hers, and surely he feels it burning through her from wherever he is now. Rey is a survivalist, having grown up thinking that the only important thing to learn is how to live. With how she’s programmed to find a way to get through, she can’t fathom his desires. _Why did you want to die?_

 

He doesn’t answer her. When she tries to seek him out, she can’t find him anymore. _Fine_ , she huffs indelicately, pulling up her sheets closer to her chest. Rey gives up on trying to find an answer from him and resumes her slumber, allowing the hum of the Force to lull her back to sleep. That night, she doesn’t dream at all.

 

The next day, she pulls on her end of their bond, opening her mind up for him, but he's still not there.

 

(One day, her heart will be just as open and he will take it in his hands. She will let him.)

 

 _Good_ , she thinks as a stone drops in her gut. Maybe now he’ll finally leave her alone.

 

.


End file.
